Okay, is there anything better than a Slush Puppie? I really don't think so. It's been long ages since I've had one, but yesterday, at the latest Wailing Wall of the DC hipster crowd, The Cap City Diner, I encountered one of the long lost loves of my life: The Blue Rasberry flavored Slush Puppie!!!!!
There it is. Look at it. My nipples get hard just from the picture. My god. THIS is what the ancient texts refer to as Ambrosia, the nectar of the gods. This was the source of strength given to the mighty gods of Olympus, this was what nourished the Israelites during their long, weary desert wanderings. This is truly that manna from heaven. The infintely dense ball of matter that began the universe exploded in neon blue and tasted like rasberries.
From Slush Puppies we came and unto Slush Puppies we shall return.
Over the centuries, the Slush Puppie has taken many forms, but it's holy status cannot be questioned. God resides in that crushed ice and Love flows through that syrup.
As I said, I had one yesterday and have already gained a host of superpowers:
1) Due to the intense sugar content, I can now vibrate through solid matter, like a chihuahua.
2) Though I no longer need to sleep, when I choose to do so, I dream of rafting on a river of crushed ice and bright blue, rasberry flavored syrup and I witness in the sky the melding of the teachings of Buddha, Vishnu, Allah, Jesus, Zeus, Luther, Joseph Smith and L. Ron Hubbard. The truth is revealed unto me.
3) I can travel in time and space to any Slush Puppie stand in the world. Utica Zoo circa 1986, here I come!
4) I no longer need to eat solid foods. I exist now on flavored syrups and ice alone.
5) I have never been stronger, or sweeter. My blood is almost entirely sugar now.
Slush Puppies are my destiny and they are yours too. When I am King of America, my house coat of arms will be Sable A Puppie Slushed Azur.
"Wailing Wall of the DC hipster crowd, The Cap City Diner" - Love it.
Posted by: Account Deleted | May 11, 2010 at 01:49 PM