Drunk On Bacon

My loyal subjects, I have made an important discovery. 

I was at Churchkey on Sunday, trying to drink myself into an deep enough oblivion so I wouldn't have to kick my own ass for hanging out in hipster bars, when I noticed that one of the selections on their ever-rotating list of draft beers was described as "meaty". 

Being your work-a-day meat obsessed pirate, I naturally asked myself, "what the fuck does that mean?" Could they possibly mean it tastes like meat? "No way", I said to myself, "that's madness.  Too good to be true. They must just mean it's thick and rich or something."

Now, as the king of the blended steak smoothy, I'm no stranger to a meaty beverage, but to think that someone could combine my rampant alcoholism with my insatiable need for hickory smoked bacon seemed too insane to be believed.  I mean, this isn't a Disney movie after all - it's the real world. 

Obviously, I ordered the beer, which happened to be Pennsylvania's Victory Brewing Company's Scarlet Fire. 

As soon as it arrived in front of me, and its rich aroma hit my discerning nose, I knew the sky had cracked open and God himself had passed down this beer to my bartender's steady hand, and thus to me.  It SMELLED like Bacon.  It TASTED like bacon! Seriously people, do you have any idea how drunk I could get on a beer that tastes like bacon??????

And that's not even the best part.  This is a whole genre of beer! Rauchbier, or Smoked Beer has been a tradition of that sausage-obsessed people, the Germans, since the 1500's.  Beer Advocate has this to say:

The Rauchbier style is an old German beer style, its origins go back to the 1500's and to the district of Franconia and the town of Bamberg. It's typically of dark colour and has similarities of the Oktoberfestbier. Green malts are literally dried over an open fire of beech wood, imparting a unique smokiness ("rauch" is German for smoke), the usage of which produces beers of an acquired taste. Imagine a smokiness so robust, so assertive, that it tastes of spiced, smoked meat.

Yes, fuckers, imagine that. 

Now that I know this exists, I'm not drinking anything that doesn't taste like bacon anymore.

It used to be a metaphor when I would say shit like, "I'm drunk on bacon", but no more.  Now when I'm drunk on bacon I'm also just plain fucking hammered.

Comments

[Rosemary]

I am so jealous that I can't have this gluteny meaty deliciousness. Nice find :) and kudos for wanting to kick your own ass for hanging out in a hipster bar...you deserve it. ;)