Prince is the greatest pop star that has ever been or ever will be. In fact, he's the only pop star. Everyone else is just an asshole trying to be Prince. Even shitheads who came before Prince were trying to be Prince because Prince can travel in time. Everything I know about women I learned from Prince. There is a Prince for every mood: Political Prince, Dance Prince, Spiritual Prince, Romantic Prince, Pimp Prince. You can play Prince as you wine and dine or as you push your girl up against the wall and take her, thrusting like an animal. You might even be able to use the same song. Prince does everything right and you do everything wrong. Gods prostrate themselves in front of big purple statues of Prince. All these statues depict Prince with an erect penis because Prince is always hard. Some interesting facts about Prince:
Prince will fuck anything as long as it's pretty. Seriously, test it: invite Prince to your house and see what he does to your good china. Just kidding, Prince would never come to your house!
Prince can fly and fly well.
Prince only listens to his own music.
One long look from Prince can make any living creature either fully erect or soaking wet.
Prince can fuck your Mom, girlfriend and childhood pet (alive or dead) all at the same time and you'd thank him for it.
When Prince goes swimming, the mean temperature of the world's oceans rises 4 degrees and the polar ice caps begin to melt from his sexual radiation.
No fewer than 5 of the internationally recognized top 10 songs to fuck to are by Prince. These are (in no particular order):
Darling Nikki
Gett Off
Head
18 & Over
Erotic City
Prince can swallow a 14 inch kielbasa sausage whole.
Ron Jeremy, Ginger Lynn, Tori Wells and Ron North all call Prince to learn new sexual positions.
One time, Prince killed a woman by giving her 47 consecutive orgasms. She died with a smile on her face.
Prince's penis powers the Aurora Borealis.
When Prince goes into space, aliens ask HIM to probe THEM.
If Prince wrote a letter to a woman, it would go like this (in his own words):
Baby, They can bug my phone, peep around my home, they'll only see you and me making love inside. I wants to bone ya! I am yours and you are mine and together we will love through all space and time. You're filthy cute and baby you know it. Do you like fast? Or do you like it slow? Lickin' you inside, outside, morning, noon and night I give you head. I'm a tear shit up. Kiss me, lick me, trick me, roll me over until you're on top, then I want you to kiss me until I make you stop. Baby, I'll have another glass of you, you are my private joy -- I've never seen a pretty girl look so tough. Mama, You'll have an instant heart attack if I jack u off. I've seen the future and it will be me plus you what a ride! I'll buy you diamonds and pearls. I can lick it like you like it, if you were here I wouldn't masturbate. I think I love ya!
-- Prince, That's right.
The bottom line is that Prince owns you, me and all of us. He's impossibly sexy and his assless pants rule extra hard. Anywhere a drop of Prince's sweat hits the ground people start fucking. Recognize children: Prince is God!
Comments