If You Are Against Gay Marriage, You Are an Asshole

Seriously.  I honestly can't believe I'm going to give airtime to this absurdist debate, but I've just heard and read too much bullshit about it today.  As if this nation has nothing better to talk about.  What with the muffed punt that is the War in Iraq, the DMZ that is our public schools and the fact that we have an atavistic ape-like creature in control of our government, it's a good thing that hot man on man action is occupying so much time and thought.  And I say "man on man" purposefully because, as far as I can tell, 95.6% of people who hate gays LOVE lesbians.  The hypocrisy of this is mind-boggling. 

Anyway, let me just clear this whole thing up.  It's a no-brainer children!  Marriage no longer has any meaningful ties to your archaic religious contrivances.  Here's a hint:  If you get a tax break out of it, the good Lord is no longer the only mediator.  Heterosexual couples can get married by a judge in a completely civil ceremony and get all the rights, honorifics and entitlements that come with marriage (and these are numerous and include inheriting a share of your spouses inheritance, making financial and/or medical decisions regarding your spouse, receipt of social security and other benefits).   MARRIAGE IS A FEDERAL INSTITUTION.  Either take away all the legal ramifications of marriage and render it an impotent and pointless ceremony or extend that right to any two people of consenting age who wish, inexplicably, to be saddled with each others' bullshit for eternity.  They certainly don't have to (nor would they want to) get married at your backwards, racist, sexist church, so don't worry about it.  And "why not just have "civil-unions?" you might ask.  Because of EQUAL RIGHTS assholes.  I thought we bitch slapped that whole separate but equal crap in 1954? 

Seriously, who are these nosey, closeted homo's who are so afraid of gay marriage and just of what are they scared?  Are they trying to tell me that society is going to dissolve as a result of two guys or gals who happen to love and touch each other (a lot) getting hitched?  God just called me and he has this to say: "I don't give a shit."  And anyway, take a look around you suckers, society dissolved a long time ago and it wasn't because of any sort of marriage.  You think God can even notice gays getting married through the smog of drugs, violence, poverty, starvation, war, violent video games, pedophilia, gang warfare and Bill O'Reilly's ass-breath?  Or are we to believe that gay marriage will be the tipping point in our eternal damnation?  Fuck it then, I'll take hell with some friendly gay fellows and their well-cared for, groomed and loved adopted children (yep, letting gay couples adopt children is GOOD you pompous assholes, as then these kids get to be in a supportive, open, nurturing, loving environment instead of dying in a ditch or being beaten with a strap by sexually repressed assholes...why the fuck can't you just let people live?) over an eternity being berated by self-righteous assholes who are constantly trying to compensate for their flaccid penises by telling everyone else what to think and believe.  FUCK YOU. 

I'm going to marry a man just because.